Modern Heartbreak

Modern heartbreak is seeing your message was read at 3:15pm but it’s 9:09pm and you’ve still had no reply. You start drafting messages of what you want to say but begin to think is there any point. Checking their twitter and Snapchat to see if they’ve posted anything and in most cases they have. Then you’re left thinking that you should delete the persons number but if you do that you’ll never see their display picture change on whatsapp. They’ll never see the quotes you put up or the new profile picture you took, where you look stunning. Modern break up is the unfollowing and the blocking. Modern breakup is checking twitter favourites to see who’s pictures they liked and sometimes it even directs you to the new person in their life. Modern break up is going on Snapchat and seeing him out on a meal and all you can see is a female hand, you watch it over and over again hoping your eyes are deceiving you but they aren’t. Across from him is actually a female, that’s not you. That Snapchat battle of who can make each other jealous, which you know wont end well. That one story you posted, that’s nearly expired and they still haven’t watched it but has been posting all day. Modern break up is going through your camera roll and seeing old screenshots of when things were so good and you have to question yourself, asking yourself ‘what happened’. It’s the checking to see if the persons been online every couple hours. Modern heartbreak is unfollowing them but seeing them still pop up on your twitter feed and you know you’ll see something you don’t want to see if you go on their page but you go on it anyway. Modern heartbreak is messy and no matter how much you try to escape the person, somewhere somehow there’s always a reminder.

To Whom it may concern

I should of made you wait,  

I was meant too, 

and I did for as long as I can remember. 

You see I let you in to my world but that wasn’t enough for you,

Pouring myself out until I was naked 

but

you wanted to be let in somewhere else. 

Let’s get this right though, 

Cause I remember telling you to wait, 

and you didn’t understand why, 

Something I could relate too 

because I didn’t understand why I’d have to wait hours for a reply. 

I’d open up to you and tell you how I feel,

then you’d push me away and say you got a headache 

but that headache always seemed to disappear when I was screaming your name.

Crazy that the only time I could moan 

was when it was your name.

Silly me – I lit myself on fire to make sure you was warm, 

then you wondered why I was burning and the flames seem to bother you.

How ironic. 

You told me you never really got feelings 

and wasn’t looking for a relationship,

but you seemed to want all of the perks of being one. 

I gave you it all and more,

No title involved.

I gave you that feeling 

and it might of not been in the right place

but it was enough to keep you running back. 

You’d have me round Friday night 

because your friends were all with their girlfriends,

but dawn would past 

And I wasn’t even good enough to receive a good morning text.

I wasn’t good enough to be taken out in public,

but in private you was all over me. 

It’s weird cause I loved the chase, 

but it’s like every time I got closer to you,

you’d push me away, 

as if I was some sort of disease.

I should of really ran away from you but you was a temporary distraction. 

The amount of people that desired what you had,

but I chose you,

wasted time,

energy,

feelings, 

and undeserved pain

I guess me letting your cold body touch mine only made me cold.

I Should of made you wait.

Like I was waiting 

waiting for you
 soo long that I no longer know what I am waiting for..

I suppose I just wanted you to be the person that I see in you.

but maybe my sight was unclear and I was seeing wrong.

I never loved with open arms before,

but I did with you. 

And you needed me so much, 

I stopped giving to myself.

but your pride would allow you to do without me,

if that meant you didn’t crumble,

but i guess it was okay for me to do it for you.

I waited, I did. 

Because even though you acted like you don’t need anyone,

I saw the serenity in your body language when we lay together, 

and you wanted it like I did. 

then when I wasn’t there you lived without me,

cause you are so used to going without, 

Or people leaving you 

That was never my intention. 

Your pride won’t let you say.

Or maybe I’m just seeing things I want to see.

I think hope was the reason I stayed.

no longer can I hold myself back

I can’t keep painting a beautiful image over all your excuses. 

How can you chose me, when I don’t even pick me? 

Here I was

Taking a bullet for someone who was wearing a bullet proof vest – this is exactly how I loved too hard.

Here I was trying to protect someone who didn’t need protecting. 

I should of made you wait the same way I waited. 

Just for you to be for me, what I was to you.

I waited, but today I stopped.