I feel like no matter what I do or what I accomplish,
I am never going to find whatever it is I’m missing.
Or maybe I will find it, the answer is just when?
I think it maybe a type of freedom I’m looking for,
but I still can’t find it despite the fact I’m no longer underneath my parents control.
I can’t find it when I’m drunk.
I dunno what type of out I need but I feel like nothing will be able to give it to me.
I feel like I’m not living life how I should be,
there’s so much others would of accomplished if they were still here living.
My life isn’t some hell on earth
and I don’t mean to portray it like so.
I just don’t understand why things are so difficult for me,
Or maybe I’m making it difficult myself.
Sometimes I feel as though I don’t belong,
Not in a suicidal way.
I just sometimes don’t feel like I’m using it to its full potential, like I’m wasting it.
I know I am in fact but I also know I’ve done things to try prevent it but yet sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in it.
I’m so confused, anxious and overwhelmed about nothing but everything.
I can’t think of a reason but I could list many.
I cant understand myself and why I feel this way.
I feel numb in a certain type of sadness but I also feel numb when I’m not sad at all.
It’s true that if you become one thing for so long, you don’t know how to be anything else.
I know how to be happy within a mood but I don’t know how to be happy.
I know how to laugh and actually mean it but I don’t know how to spend the rest of my life this way.
And I know it’s wrong for me to find an reason for everything but that’s what I do.
and when I can’t figure out a reason, I assume they’re my fault.
I blame myself for things that are completely out of my control.
I’m sensitive I take things so harsh and personally.
I hate this about myself but what can I do, I can’t stop it.
I’m really tired or being tired and I know that cliche but it’s true, I’m always exhausted.
Maybe it’s because my rooms always dark and I always stay in there.
I don’t know sometimes I feel like I’m putting all this on myself,
but if that’s the case wouldn’t I be able to stop it?