You only really liked your naked body, when he was touching it. You only began to love yourself when he loved you and since he left you forgot how to. You look in the mirror and you barely notice yourself. You begin to play yourself. The 5 songs that you tried soo hard to avoid because of the feeling it gives you. Them songshave now become the songs on repeat. You look through old messages that you should of deleted and now you’re just reminiscing. Your scars reopen and you’re broken again. You’ve gotten yourself through the past few months by using things and people you think you need, but none of that can you distract you anymore. You need to accept, he’s not coming back. The sound of his voice you will eventually forget and his fingerprints will leave your body. All the memories will fade along with the pain. I know it hurts even worse because he’s the only one you’ve opened your palms too, so he could read your past through the creases in them. You let him in and he destroyed you. You’re more stronger than he thought and he thought he could break you down, but he couldn’t have his way with you. That’s strength. Today you may listen to them 5 songs over and over again, you’ll cry but remember tomorrow you will stand again. Even if you don’t, it’s okay because you’re allowed to be upset. You’re allowed to feel hurt. The human mind is not wired to deal with a heart break. It just knows how to survive. And look here you are, surviving ❤
I know you’re going back to every good memory you both had together, you’re going back to all the nights he whispered ‘I love you’ in your ear just before you went off to sleep. You’ll think of the time you sent him paragraphs and wonders if he still reads them like you read his. You’re thinking about how you met him and replaying all the memories in your mind.
You should probably make your mind replay the other things you seemed to have forget like the times he was too lazy too come and see you or the times a girls name popped up on his phone at 1am and he tried to hide it. I know home is where the heart is, and he was home but you’re not welcomed there anymore. It was never home, it was just temporary accommodation, no matter how comfortable it was. Remember how many days he’d go without talking to you as if he had better things to do with his time.
Listen, YOU have better things to do with YOUR time other than missing him. He was ‘worth’ your time then, I get it, but he isn’t now. You may never be able to forget his eyes, his smile, his voice but one day you’ll forget them. One day you’ll meet someone who’s eyes, makes you forget about the past. A smile that makes the past seem so far and blurry. There is more to life than this boy that clearly doesn’t see how amazing you are.
I know you love him and I know you don’t know how you’re going to cope without him, it doesn’t matter how many paragraphs you send him or how many times you call him crying. No matter how broken you tell him you are, the truth is he may not come back to fix you there are so many things to do with your time like the goal that you had, that you haven’t been able to achieve because he distracted you from it. Meet new people, Write, go to the gym, listen to your favorite songs over and over again. Do what makes YOU happy, there’s so much other things you can do with your time than waste it on someone who doesn’t see just how important you are.