To Whom it may concern

I should of made you wait,  

I was meant too, 

and I did for as long as I can remember. 

You see I let you in to my world but that wasn’t enough for you,

Pouring myself out until I was naked 

but

you wanted to be let in somewhere else. 

Let’s get this right though, 

Cause I remember telling you to wait, 

and you didn’t understand why, 

Something I could relate too 

because I didn’t understand why I’d have to wait hours for a reply. 

I’d open up to you and tell you how I feel,

then you’d push me away and say you got a headache 

but that headache always seemed to disappear when I was screaming your name.

Crazy that the only time I could moan 

was when it was your name.

Silly me – I lit myself on fire to make sure you was warm, 

then you wondered why I was burning and the flames seem to bother you.

How ironic. 

You told me you never really got feelings 

and wasn’t looking for a relationship,

but you seemed to want all of the perks of being one. 

I gave you it all and more,

No title involved.

I gave you that feeling 

and it might of not been in the right place

but it was enough to keep you running back. 

You’d have me round Friday night 

because your friends were all with their girlfriends,

but dawn would past 

And I wasn’t even good enough to receive a good morning text.

I wasn’t good enough to be taken out in public,

but in private you was all over me. 

It’s weird cause I loved the chase, 

but it’s like every time I got closer to you,

you’d push me away, 

as if I was some sort of disease.

I should of really ran away from you but you was a temporary distraction. 

The amount of people that desired what you had,

but I chose you,

wasted time,

energy,

feelings, 

and undeserved pain

I guess me letting your cold body touch mine only made me cold.

I Should of made you wait.

Like I was waiting 

waiting for you
 soo long that I no longer know what I am waiting for..

I suppose I just wanted you to be the person that I see in you.

but maybe my sight was unclear and I was seeing wrong.

I never loved with open arms before,

but I did with you. 

And you needed me so much, 

I stopped giving to myself.

but your pride would allow you to do without me,

if that meant you didn’t crumble,

but i guess it was okay for me to do it for you.

I waited, I did. 

Because even though you acted like you don’t need anyone,

I saw the serenity in your body language when we lay together, 

and you wanted it like I did. 

then when I wasn’t there you lived without me,

cause you are so used to going without, 

Or people leaving you 

That was never my intention. 

Your pride won’t let you say.

Or maybe I’m just seeing things I want to see.

I think hope was the reason I stayed.

no longer can I hold myself back

I can’t keep painting a beautiful image over all your excuses. 

How can you chose me, when I don’t even pick me? 

Here I was

Taking a bullet for someone who was wearing a bullet proof vest – this is exactly how I loved too hard.

Here I was trying to protect someone who didn’t need protecting. 

I should of made you wait the same way I waited. 

Just for you to be for me, what I was to you.

I waited, but today I stopped.

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I Stayed

I should of guessed by the way you’d rush to leave because your mum was coming home, that you wasn’t right for me.

I stayed anyway because I thought I needed you.

I stayed even when the little things you did irritated me like telling me you wanted to go to the movies but picked me up only to go to somewhere dark so we could have car sex.

I stayed at yours one night because your mum was away and you wanted someone to cuddle but halfway through the night, you started touching my thigh because ‘you couldn’t help yourself’.

I statyed even when you’d ignore my texts and not reply for a few days.

I stayed with you even after the bruises you left on my thighs and necks because you didn’t see the difference between rough and abuse. Normally you’d laugh it off and tell me I was fine anyway.

The worst part is I’m not even the one that walked away, it was you. You left me. I probably would have stayed as long as I could because you made me think it was love. It wasn’t love, it was a sick, twisted manipulated situation. It was torture so thank you for finally doing something for me and that’s leaving.

You didn’t say anything

I wanted to open up to you,

I know it sounds trivial but let me explain

I wanted to let you see all of me

I lay beside you naked, vulnerable

I wanted to tell you about me.

I wanted you to look in my eyes

and I wanted you to ask me questions about my past,

my family

my fears

and everything someone with genuine interest would ask.

I wanted you to listen.

I wanted you to get to know the real me.

but instead you took advantage of me being vulnerable,

you saw me as a desire

and you looked at me in lust.

You didn’t ask about my past,

my family

or fears

you didn’t say anything,

anything at all.

 

Him Vs Her

‘I love you’ she whispered as lay on his chest.

He didn’t respond, she waited but he lay quiet. She looked up at him.

‘Did you hear me?’

He nodded, guilt filled his eyes and he moved from under her.

‘I’m Sorry’

Holding back tears she held his hand and responded

‘Dont Be’

That night they made endless love

 

We are talking about a lady who has been hurt repeatedly, but still pleads to be loved. She’s had a lot of attention in the past, but this is different after such a long time of searching this boy has leased the commitment she yearns. Now shes finally clutched the feeling of being alive again, she is not scared to lose pride and tell this boy she loves him and she would do anything to make him love her back even if it means having sex with him, she ‘ll do anything for him to feel the same. She cannot lose this feeling and does not want to give up so will do all she can to do to make him stay. She cant give up because shes never been rewarded like this her entire search, this one is different. She demands to be loved by him and wants him to know exactly how he feels but she also knows love is about being understanding and even though she has no clue why he won’t say it back, she doesn’t question him in fear she will scare him off. At this moment she is taking a chance, hoping that this will be her last. Hoping he finds love within her insides.

We are speaking of a guy who is scared to fall in love, because when he loves he loves deep. Deeper than most. He is scared of being attached and even though he knows this girl is potentionally right for him, he just doesn’t understand what love is to say it back. We are talking about a guy who’s never had the type of relationship with his mum where he heard or even voiced the words ‘i love you too’. That is why he says ‘sorry’, he’s been in this situation before and he knows where this is about to lead but before it happens and he hurts her as well as himself, he apologies. Not only to her but to himself, he wants to love her but he so badly wants to protect himself he avoids it, he hurts himself before anyone else has the chance to hurt him and as they make this endless love, he wanted to find a reason to stay and why this one would be different -but none of the answers came as he lay in between her legs.